Bill Linden Danced Through Life
Our friend Bill Linden
Just before Christmas 2012, my friend and former Chicago Sun-Times art director Bill Linden sent me a list of “50 things you might or might not want to know about Mr. Bill,” copyrighted. Bill died in his sleep in his Chicago home on Sept. 15. He was 79 years old.
I’m happy I kept the list.
You didn’t have to know Bill to read this list and understand how to live life to the fullest. And be able to laugh at yourself. As a gag writer for the comic strips “Shoe,” “B.C.” and “Wizard of Id,” Bill knew about economy and pacing. Bill was to punchlines as Dolly was to rhinestones. So there’s no need for me to get in the way.
Here’s Bill center stage in his own words:
1. I’m not pretentious
2. Regrets? I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention.
3. I’m glad I got to apologize to my first wife before she died (Susan died in 1998. They were married 12 years.)
4. I’m saving the REALLY good things for my autobiography.
5. I danced on John Belushi’s grave in Martha’s Vineyard.
6. I’ve drunk champagne from a strange woman’s shoe at Arnie’s nightclub, then stole the shoe.
7. I was kicked out of Billy Goat’s one night (Bill’s note: this isn’t as easy as it sounds.)
8. I have sat in the bowl at the TOP of Buckingham Fountain drinking margaritas at 2 a.m.
9. I have been to Lizzie Borden’s house in Fall River, Mass.
10. I have had chili at Barney’s Beanery in West Hollywood
11. Although my son thinks I’m the greatest father in the world, I could do better.
12. I am so proud of my daughter and the mother she has become.
13. I have been outside the hotel room Janis Joplin o’d in. (I was Bill’s wingman on this Los Angeles trip.
14. I have driven from Nicole Browns condo to OJ’s house in under 6 minutes.
15. I have floated in the Great Salt Lake.
16. I once lied to Jim Belushi and told him I was a fan of his work.
17. My first car was a 1958 Ford that cost $95.
18. I ‘had a catch” with my son at the Field of Dreams in Dyersville, Iowa.
19. I love New York City, but it scares me.
20. I have sat in Al Capone’s cell in Alcatraz.
21. I almost killed myself with a bow and arrow in Viet Nam.
Bill instructed people how to stand out in a group photo–simply stand 5 feet in front of the group.
22. I stole a Sun-Times truck once but returned it.
23. I partied with James (YEOW!) Brown in the lobby of the Fairmont Hotel in Chicago.
24. I saw Woody Allen do stand-up at Mister Kelly’s in 1967.
25. I count my blessings every day for the good things/wives/kids/grandkids/brothers/girlfriends/friends and wackos that have, and continue, to happen to me.
26. I opened my eulogy to my dear friend Mel Miles with, “Two Jews get on a bus…” because I knew he would have loved it.
27. I don’t think anyone can sing “Up against the wall mother f—cker” as sweetly as Grace Slick can.
28. I was outside the church in Beverly Hills during Frank Sinatra’s funeral mass.
29. My record for hanging spoons off my face is 11. (I was a witness.)
30. For the past 15 years my bride and I have gotten remarried every New Year’s Eve. (His son Will got ordained and remarried them on their 25th anniversary. Bill booked Will for the 50th.)
Bill and Karen on their NY Eve wedding anniversary.
31. I was outside Grauman’s Chinese Theater the day Al Pacino imprinted his hands and signature in cement.
32. I invented the “double” quarter-pounder long before McDonald’s even thought about it.
33. I have taken pictures of over 300 friends wearing a fruit hat.
34. I have been to Ponce DeLeon’s Fountain of Youth in St. Augustine, Fla., and it hasn’t seemed to work.
35. I have seen Mickey Mantle, Ted Williams, Stan Musial, Hank Aaron, Sandy Koufax and Ernie Banks play baseball.
36. I take great pride in having been named “An Honorary Soul Brother,” “An Honorary Holton” and “An Honorary Sanders.”
37. In my sixty-three years, I have accidentally set my hair on fire only twice.
38. I drove the 703 miles from Chicago to (snicker) Intercourse, PA, just to say I’ve (snicker) been in Intercourse PA..
Bill loved Chicago and hosted Bean-A-Palozzas at the Bean.
39. I’ve been to the original Starbucks in Seattle, Washington, the original Wendy’s in Columbus, Ohio, and the Original Bob’s Big Boy in Burbank, California.
40. I forgive my enemies in moderation. (In 2014, Bill did publish his book “999 Bees in My Bonnet: A Collection of Irritating Irritants,” available on Amazon Kindle.
41. I’ve been to Graceland with two lesbians.
42. I have seen Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr., Liza Minnelli, Louis Prima, Joe Williams and Mel Torme perform live.
43. I have spent the night in the Watergate Hotel.
Nixon and Elvis Bill (Photos via Bill’s FB page.)
44. I have sung ‘42nd Street” while walking on 42nd Street in New York City.
45. I was in Las Vegas the night John Entwistle of the Who overdosed in Las Vegas.
46. I have kissed Goldie Hawn’s hand.
47. I have looked out the sixth-floor window of the Texas School Book Depository in Dallas and stood on the grassy knoll.
48. I think “Book Soup” in L.A. is the neatest bookstore ever.
49. I have stood on the corner of Haight and Ashbury. I prefer the corner of State and Madison.
50. I like a Gershwin tune. How about you?
51. 52, etc. In the spirit of accuracy, I must add that Bill did not mention the night he led the audience in tapping pennies to “42nd” Street while I reviewed the late LGBTQ cabaret performer Rudy de la Mor at the gay bar Gentry on State.
Or the night he was with the late “Shoe” cartoonist Jeff MacNelly at Shaw’s Crab House in Chicago. They thought about stealing a fish off the wall of Shaw’s. Bill wrote me, “It was nailed down( !) and we were soooooooo offended that ‘Nobody trusts nobody anymore!” so we stole a bar stool instead!” MacNelly made a cartoon out of the event.
Or how much Bill found delight when I brought a Sammy Davis, Jr. impersonator backstage at the Chicago Theater to meet the real Sammy Davis, Jr. Perhaps I should start my own list.
If so, I will take Bill’s cue to always leave them laughing.
Bill, right, and brother Ron circa 1952.
Bill requested no services. A cremation was scheduled, and there will be a celebration of life this autumn.
Besides his wife Karen he is survived by his brothers Ron (spouse Carm) and Dan (Donna) , son Will (Heather) and daughter Brandi (Robert). Grandchildren are Brandi’s Jazzmin and Benjamin and Will’s Will V. The William John Linden name dates back to the 1800s.
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